If You Have A Penis, It Can Only Be One Of These Four Kinds, According To Science

Penises are pretty weird looking. It’s amazing such a strange organ is responsible for transmitting the code necessary to spread life on Earth. Each ding dong is like a snowflake; some are similar, but there will never be two identical baby-makers.

One doctor has done us all a solid by narrowing the world’s rods down to the following four simple categories, and if you’re a proud pee-pee owner, it’s one of these four. Let’s take a look!

7. The Dick Doctor

Dr. David Shusterman is a urological surgeon at New York University. Let’s just say he’s seen enough “dongs” to be a leading authority on labeling our flesh flutes. His system of sausages has not narrowed down the world’s “nobs” to length or girth, but by their shapes.

6. A Little To The Left Or A Little To The Right?

How’s it hangin’? Some of you have probably seen a steamin’ semen truck that has a slight curve to it. The curve could be towards the base or the head and could lean a little to the left or more to the right.  If the angle of your rod is more than what is mentioned in #5, then you might want to consult a dick doctor.

5. “The Bender” Is Nothing To Turn Your Back On

Doctors say if the angle of your penis is between 30 and 60 degrees, it’s typically a sign of Peyronie’s disease. The condition is caused by a plaque buildup inside your one-eyed yogurt slinger. This is what makes it stiffen and bend, not your libido. I guess it’s time to bust out the old protractor.

4. Do You Have A “Big Head”?

There’s no need to paint a pretty picture to describe this type of trouser snake. It’s exactly what it means. When your head outshines your shaft in size and thickness, you are part of this illustrious group. Exactly where you “Big Heads” stack up with the rest of the male population will be released in #3.

3. The Huge Helmet Club

Surprisingly, there are not many “Big Heads” roaming the Earth. Out of the hundreds if not thousands of third legs Dr. Shusterman has had the pleasure of probing, only 20% have the helmets of champions. On the other end, there is a vast portion of men who are experiencing the exact opposite.

2. They Call Them “Big Shaft”

This one doesn’t need any drawn-out explanation. These tube steaks are going to have a more prominent meat stick with an adorable little mushroom head. The last type of penis can fit in either #4 or #2, but there is going to be one distinct feature which sets it apart in #1.

1. Throwing “The Curve”

The final category of different kickstands is “The Curve.” Nothing too fancy, just a slight arc. Dr. Shusterman claims the curve is caused by “a suspensory ligament that holds your penis to your pelvis and it suspends your penis a little upward. The north-facing bend is about five to 10 degrees.”

Did your penis make the cut? Sorry, poor choice of words.


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