Orgy Host Explains Consent, Actually Makes A Lot Of Sense

Between explosive television shows like 13 Reasons Why and media-circus court cases like Brock Turner, sexual consent has been a topic of public conversation in recent months. The problem is, a clear understanding of the word seems to be escaping public opinion.

So what exactly is consent?

Recently, Kate H., a sexual consent writer for the Huffington Post and host of a monthly large-scale orgy, took to the internet to explain the true meaning of the word consent.

10. What IS Content?

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As Kate H. explains it, “Consent is always conditional on participants’ ability to revoke their consent.”

In the eyes of the BDSM community, and most state and federal laws, even if you previously gave consent you reserve the right to revoke it at any time. Anything that occurs after you inform your partner to stop can be considered as rape.

9. What If I Can’t Revoke Consent?

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Consent is reliant on being able to revoke said permission or agreement. If you find yourself in a position where you are unable to voice your opinion, then the practice is no longer consensual. For example, if you were gagged without consent and unable to verbally voice your concerns, then this is no longer a consensual event.

But, what if you want to be gagged? How do you continue to practice consensual sex?

8. How Do You Make Gagging Consensual?

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If you and your partner enjoy the practice of gagging, but you’re concerned about voicing consent as the act moves further, don’t fret. Kate H. has an answer for this. “There are plenty of non-verbal alternatives to safe words that can be agreed upon in advance,” she explained.

7. What If I Pass Out?

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Perhaps one of the most argued topics, losing consciousness during a sexual encounter does constitute a revocation of consent. Of course, your partner may not realize it right away, however, anything that occurs once your partner realizes you’re no longer responsive is considered rape.

“It is common to check in with your partner and ask them for a quick update,” Kate H. said.

6. How Do You Ensure Consent Is Legit?

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In her article, Kate H. explains a topic called Enthusiastic Consent.

“Sometimes people say “sure” and they don’t really mean it,” she stated.

When it comes to getting consent, Kate H. believes you should only act when you get an enthusiastic YES! instead of a maybe, sure, or whatever.

But what happens if you give consent and then change your mind?

5. Can You Revoke Consent After It’s Given?

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If you’ve given consent but things get a little out of your comfort zone, you can still say no. Don’t be afraid to speak up. “Without the confidence to say no, many people giggle nervously or wiggle away, hoping that the person pressuring them will get the hint,” said Kate H. “They may not understand the hint.”

4. Consent Is Not All-Inclusive!

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One important fact to remember is that consent for one activity does not cover ALL activities. Even if you’ve been in agreement with everything so far, you can change your mind if things get a little too kinky or out of hand for your tastes.

“The idea that once you say yes to the sex, you are deprived of any further control over your body and limits is deeply wrong,” said Kate H.

3. What About STDs?

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When it comes to STDs, Kate H. uses a unique car metaphor to explain consent.

“I would love to test drive a Tesla,” she said. “I would not want to test drive a Tesla with bedbugs.”

When you do not have full disclosure, you are not in full control of your consent. If the other person purposefully withholds information, that is a violation of your consent.

2. Do Drinking And Consent Mix?

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Drinking can invalidate consent, so it is important to be careful when you and your partner are involving alcohol in your activities. If you are no longer in a position to make clear decisions, such as being inebriated, then you cannot legally grant consent. You can’t drive a car or get a tattoo while drunk, so giving consent to sexual activities while intoxicated is also off the table.

So, what is the bottom line with consent?

1. How Do I Know When Consent Is Legit?

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The bottom line when understanding consent is this… if you’re not sure, don’t do it.

As Kate H. said in her article, “Unless you are certain that someone truly wants you to do that kinky thing to them, don’t do that kinky thing to them.”

Have fun, enjoy sex, but make sure you’re safe.

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