It’s normal to have questions about sex when you start engaging in it, but this list of questions probably should’ve never been asked.
Either these individuals skipped out on sex ed, or they were too busy daydreaming about magic condoms.
Either way, somebody should’ve reached them before the internet trolls did.
10. A Little Tickle Under the Nose So That No Baby Grows!
“If my girlfriend sneezes after sex, will it keep her from getting pregnant?”
It’s probably best that this individual remained anonymous when asking this question.
Winning comment: “Sorry, but this is a bunch of bull. Now, if your girlfriend can sneeze with her vagina instead of her nose, maybe…”
That would sure be a talent.
9. Anyone Have Any Condom Growing Kits For Sale?
Prepare yourself for this one…
“I’m 13 and I feel like I’m old enough to have sex because everyone else is starting to lose their virginity now, but they keep telling me to practice safe sex and that I have to have a condom. I keep looking down and my penis still looks the same. How long does it take to grow one, or does it happen right before sex?”
Best Response: “They actually use third world children to grow condoms in large crops and sell them in drug, grocery stores and gas stations, which I would recommend purchasing over growing my own as sprouting condoms out of your belly button is both a monumental pain in the *** and a turn off for most chicks.”
8. No False Advertisement Allowed
“How can I make my penis bigger using Photoshop CS5?”
This question is way more common than the internet tells us. Plenty of guys have cheated on their penis size without broadcasting it online.
Half the internet trolls crucifying him for false advertising are probably modifying their penises as well.
#2 on our list proves that ladies are liars too!
7. Apparently Asian Reproductive Systems Reject White Men
“It is true that you don’t need to wear condoms when sleeping with an Asian woman, since they can’t get pregnant?”
Excuse me, what?
This man is seriously suggesting that because he is white, he cannot impregnate an Asian woman… as if she is a different species.
Not only is that extremely racist, it’s also safe to say this man will be lonely for awhile.
6. You Might Be A Gold Digger If…
“Is it wrong for a married guy to kiss a single girl? He’s 69 and I’m 20.”
Oh, Sarah, we all hope you’ll be honest about how you paid for college.
Update: “He’s super cute. You would think he’s 25!”=
Update 2: “His wife wants a divorce.”
Update 3: “He’s a doctor.”
Sarah, you’re probably guilty of #2 on our list as well. Yolo?
5. Eco-friendly Was Never Supposed To Mean THIS
“What is it called to have sex with a plant?”
Impossible. It’s called impossible, and also insane.
Why don’t you just stick to having sex with a human being who eats red meat that eats plants? That’s kind of the same thing, right?
Insurance probably won’t cover counseling for the temptation to seduce plants anyways.
4. License, Registration And Your V-Card Please
“If a guy uses a condom, is he still a virgin? And if I use a condom, would my girlfriend still be a virgin too?”
These poor children. Who is teaching sex ed these days? No, wearing a condom doesn’t erase the fact that you had sex and lost your virginity.
If you want to hang on to your V-card, oral sex works fine.
The last thing you want is to end up like #1 on our list! Yikes!
3. She’s Cheating On You, Bro
“My girlfriend is pregnant and we didn’t have sex.”
Ouch. Who’s going to break it to this guy? Sure, you can Google all the ways that pregnancy without penetration might be possible, but have any of us ever met a person with that story? No. They don’t exist.
She cheated bro, sorry.
2. Men, Beware, There Are Crafty Women Out There
“How can I damage a condom with a needle?”
This woman is so desperate to get pregnant, she’s lost all sense.
Winning comment: “These instructions are going to be quite complex…you just take a needle and sort of…well…poke the condom.”
That hole is definitely going to become obvious upon use, then you’ll have to explain to your man why you’re trying to trap him.
Now for the #1 most insane sex question on the internet…
1. This Girl Has Serious Daddy Issues
“Will getting an abortion make me a virgin again?”
I don’t think any of us can even laugh at this one. These are some deep psychological issues that probably came from growing up in a home where losing your virginity means being excommunicated from the family.
Let’s all send this girl a virtual hug.
There’s no need to ask whether or not these have been the craziest sex questions you’ve ever read on the internet, we know it to be true!
…but if you have some to add, or if you’ve thought up some insane sex questions yourself, please drop them in the comments so we can add them to our list.
We know these stories produced a good laugh in you, so pass them along to your friends! Share them with that individual in your world who needs to be reminded that their life isn’t so bad.
Thanks for reading!