Breakups are hard and, more times than not, things get messy. Really messy. And now, with Facebook dominating the world, these messes can be seen by everyone.
From KFC rejections to pregnancies to butt sex, here are some of the worst breakups in Facebook history. Spoiler: if you want to learn how to ruin your ex’s life, check out number 1.
12. Butt sex For Pizza
This boyfriend sure knows how to drive a hard bargain. Although, by the way things turned out, it may have been too hard for her behind to handle. Next time, I’m sure she’ll think twice before ordering a pizza with extra pepperoni.
11. “You Are Not The Father”
What a dramatic way to announce your infidelity–with a baby to come with it! This breakup’s bad, but it’s nothing compared to the deep fried-loving at number 2.
10. Bad To The Bone
Oh, Michael. To have the gall to “bone” Mark’s girlfriend is one thing, but to taunt the victim with a witty one-liner? That’s just a new all-time low.
9. Like A Virgin, Even After Seventeen Times
Not only did Bianca dump Hayden for his pothead-ed ways, but she managed to keep her womanhood intact. Madonna would be proud.
It’d be a lie to say this is the only instance of sexual disappointment on this list…
8. Identity Theft
While he didn’t steal Justin’s social security number, the Identity Thief managed to steal something far more sensitive: Carolyn’s heart. Lowly thieves and high expectations ruin everything.
7. At Least He Didn’t Call Collect
Not the most tactful way of breaking up, but you can’t say Nick isn’t courteous. After all, cell phone bills can get pretty high, so at least he’s saving her a couple of bucks.
6. A Round Of Applause
An odd thing to post on someone’s wall, but a valid reason for a breakup.
Yet, somehow, Tim was far more civil about receiving an STD than number 4 was about losing money on Farmville…
5. And The Survey Says…
Eat your heart out, Steve Harvey–we’ve got a new host in town. Based on the results, Rebecca’s definitely not moving on to Chris’s bonus round after this.
4. Farmville Is The Only Boyfriend She Wants
Bankruptcy is no joke. Digital agriculture is an already fledgling industry, so for this man to waste money on oversized wheelbarrows? In this economy? Disgusting.
But, surprisingly, not the most disgusting breakup we’ve seen…
3. He’s Too Sensitive
Neil was just too emotionally and penially sensitive for Catherine. He’s loud, childish, and (according to Catherine) part soap dispenser. Just don’t try to clean your hands with his suds.
2. KFC, I Love You
American corporations can be cruel. Unnecessary outsourcing and pollution are bad, but how they’ve rejected Julien’s passionate attempts at love is just sickening. We feel for you, Julien. There’s always Taco Bell for the rebound.
1. How To Ruin A Life
If you wanted tips on how to utterly destroy a psycho-ex’s life, just look to Michael’s heroism for inspiration. Ruining her friendships, getting her fired, AND getting her arrested? I think the moral of this story is clear: don’t f*** with Michael.