Why Didn’t Anyone Stop These Inventors From Making These Bizarre Products?

Dumb ideas have existed since the beginning of humanity. Luckily, most of these ideas remain as just that. Unfortunately, however, some of these ideas progress into actual products, such as the 12 that make up this ridiculous list. Even more absurd, these products are successful enough to remain on the market, meaning someone out there has, for instance, a genuine interest in taking a pill to turn their poop gold…

If you think that’s insane, you won’t believe the secret ingredient for #2 on the list! Keep reading to see if you’ve ever bought any of these products, but you probably shouldn’t admit it if you have…

 

#12 Zippo Fragrances

This product is perfect for smokers who want to cover up their habit while simultaneously making it more obvious. While we can’t be sure what this perfume camouflaged as a lighter really smells like, we like to assume it’s similar to butane mixed with a dash of regretful life choices.

#11 Cheeto Chapstick

If you are trying to get it on with Chester Cheetah, we have got the product for you. If you’re not, then you understand why this Cheeto-flavored chapstick made the list. Though Cheetos are a delicious snack, you may want to leave this one at home during your next date night.

#10 Rear Gear

If your dog or cat is embarrassing you in front of your guests with their unsightly butt, then this product was designed with you in mind! Rear Gear is available in numerous different styles through Etsy. To use, first lose your dignity and then apply the sticker right over your pet’s ass!

#9 Eyelid Trainers

Why use makeup to change your eye shape when you could just subject yourself to some new-age torture? Japanese Eyelid Trainers are perfect for anyone who hates themselves but also wants to achieve wider eyes. The product itself is worn similar to glasses, except way less comfortable. To be honest, we could easily mistake these for the next big hipster trend…

#8 The Knee Defender

If you’ve ever been on a plane, you know the minimal amount of satisfaction that comes with reclining your seat back a fraction of an inch. However, if the person behind you uses the Knee Defender, you won’t. This product clamps on to the seat in front of you, making it impossible for the person to recline while increasing your leg room by a negligible inch. Totally worth it…

#7 Cookie Breast Enhancement

It seems like everyone nowadays has fake boobs. The F-Cup Cookies claim to achieve these results, minus the expensive surgery. Simply eat one or two cookies a day and you should have bigger breasts in two weeks! It is important to note the cookies aren’t FDA approved and have been known to cause some uncomfortable side effects.

#6 Gold Poop Pills

Whether you want to admit it or not, we all look in the toilet after taking a dump. If you want to make that experience more glamorous then this product was made for you. The pill contains a 24-karat gold leaf guaranteed to bring the party to your potty. Simply purchase the pills for $425, swallow, and wait!

#5 Turn That Frown…

Do you hate everyone you work with? Maybe you’re visiting home to see your psycho family… Either way, this product is for you! Cure your resting bitch face, or just genuine hatred of everyone around you, with this Smile Trainer. Putting a piece of plastic in your mouth should probably come with a choking hazard warning…

#4 Shopping Bag Safety Helmet

Don’t you just hate it when you’re grocery shopping and suddenly the world starts crashing down around you? Well not anymore! Japan has created the Grappa Eco Shopping Bag and Safety Helmet, designed to function as both a reusable shopping bag and an oddly shaped helmet. This product is probably best used in an emergency rather than as your daily bike helmet, however…

#3 These Not-So-Appetizing Chocolates…

With Valentine’s Day coming up, we’re sure this product will be flying off the shelves! After all, nothing says “I value our relationship” more than a dozen chocolate molds of random a-holes (except maybe literally anything else…) Ladies, if your man gets you this, drop him like the inventor of this product dropped their morals.

#2 The Grossest Cream Imaginable

Anti-aging creams are all the rage in today’s market but we think this one may be taking it a step too far. This product is made from the removed foreskin of baby boys, and it’s meant to be used on your face. While this may sound insane, Oprah has been known to endorse this product. Sorry Oprah, this is a trend we won’t be a part of…

#1 Face Corset Mask

If you’re having Texas Chainsaw Massacre flashbacks, you aren’t alone. This isn’t a Leatherface mask replica, but instead a mask designed to “slim your face.” To be honest, we aren’t sure what slimming one’s face really means, but we aren’t desperate enough to try this product and find out.

If you’ve bought one or more items on this list, you may be what’s wrong with the world. But hey, who are we to judge if you just really like the taste of Cheetos or completely can’t stand the sight of your dog’s butthole? We’re just surprised we haven’t seen any of these products featured on a late-night infomercial (yet).

While digging around for a spare $425 to turn your poop gold is cool, using Oprah-endorsed baby foreskin on your face is another story… There are some lines we just shouldn’t cross.

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