We’ve all experienced a horrible first date or two. For most of us, the worst that it gets is “he has bad teeth,” or “there was zero connection,” or “he refused to pay.” Though some of us have been spared, it’s safe to say there’s a lurking dread at the thought of being caught in one of these scenarios. These first date horror stories are more like scenes from a movie then they are real life. We all know that love is a risk, but I don’t think any of us are this adventurous. It’s not that bad being single.
10. What Kind Of Animal Doesn’t Share Guac?
“I once went out with a guy who had seven gin and tonics in the span of an hour and a half. I somehow still ended up going to another bar with him, where he proceeded to order guacamole and REFUSE to share it with me, while claiming he was going to ‘throw all the hipsters over the wall and into the street.’ But the worst part was that he wouldn’t share his guac.”
– Kelsea, 28
9. That Awkward Moment That Turns Into That Awkward Date
“We met up at a local burger joint, and he didn’t say a single word. I asked questions, and he responded with head nods and occasionally a chuckle that’s more like a release of air. I was pretty sure he hated me, so I told him I was just going to go home. That’s when he finally spoke. He asked me why and told me to please stay so I did, and then he continued to sit in silence. Looking back now I realize he was just nervous but, man at the time I really thought that I must have been horrible to be around.”
8. When You Discover The Real Definition Of Double-Dating
“Halfway through the date she started talking about her boyfriend, whom I was unaware of. I asked if he knows she’s on a date with me and she says, ‘Oh, it’s cool – he’s in Iraq right now, so he doesn’t know or care.’ Just my luck.”
7. That First Date That Turned Into An Episode Of Prison Break
“After the date, he was driving me home, did a stupid, illegal move and got pulled over. He decided to run from the police (with me in the car). He tried to pull into a driveway and hide, but they found us. Aaaanyway, they put us both in handcuffs while they searched the car. They ended up giving me a ride home and took him to jail. Apparently it was a stolen car. I never saw him again, as he was extradited to another state for outstanding warrants.”
6. HE DID WHAT?!!
“I recently went out with a man who drank two bottles of wine. Clearly, I slept with him anyway. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him PEEING OFF THE SIDE OF MY BED IN HIS SLEEP. You can’t make this stuff up.”
5. Okay, Where’s The Hidden Camera?
“I met this guy online and agreed to meet up for dinner that night. A few hours later, he texts to tells me he is in the hospital and asks me to come visit him. I agree, thinking maybe he broke his leg or had a car accident on the way to dinner? When I arrive, I discover he’s there because he tried to kill himself when he found out his wife wanted a divorce! I’m feeling terribly awkward and I’m trying to come up with an excuse to leave when his family arrives…and he tells them I’m his girlfriend. I left, and for months afterward he continued to text and call me while I ignored him.”
4. That Awkward Moment When He Asks You To Submit To Him
“I met my date at a wine bar one night, thinking we were going to have a regular date like regular people. Things were going normal until he pulled out his Bible and started reading me all the parts where a woman’s place is serving men. We never went out again.”
3. When He Tries To Convert You On The First Date
“I went on a date with a guy whose idea of romance was taking me to his family’s church, where they were trying to break the record for a hymn-singing marathon. To clarify, the standing record was four hours. I thought we were going to a drive-in. ‘Oh, this’ll be so romantic and retro,’ I said. ‘This can’t possibly be an attempt at saving my soul,’ I said.”
– Sue, 24
2. That’s Just Too Much, Bro
“I set up a date with an internet guy who told me he played bass guitar in a band. When I showed up to the restaurant, the waiter was walking me to my table and I noticed a whole corner was cleared out just for me and my date. Apparently he had spread rose petals all over the floor, all the way up to my chair. The table was covered with rose petals as well. I sat there in shock, as the waiter assumed we were celebrating a special occasion, like an anniversary or that he was proposing…not a first date. I was speechless, and the guy says he wrote me a song. He got up, walked over to the corner where his guitar was sitting, and starting playing it and singing a song so loud that everyone in the restaurant looked at us. I got up, kicked the rose petals out of the way, and ran to my car.”
1. How Is Thing Even A Thing?
“A friend set me up on a date with a guy who loved his guinea pigs so much that he decided to bring them along on our date. He sat them on our table in their cage–all eight of them. I faked an allergy and got the hell out of there.”
We’ve learned that apparently there are men out there who slap your hand when you want some of their food. Then there are the men who decide to outrun the police with you in the car. And who can forget the men who bring along pets on their first date. We all know the saying “just be yourself,” but maybe we shouldn’t be putting it all out there on a first date.
If you thought these stories were outrageous, share them with your friends! Maybe you’ll spare them a bad night or two.
Also, if you’ve experienced a horrible first date yourself, we’d love to hear it! Drop it in the comments!